


Professional Distance

by AlyssiaInWonderland



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Culture, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Jim, Love, Major Character Injury, Pining, Poison, Protective Bones, Public Display of Affection, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:45:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssiaInWonderland/pseuds/AlyssiaInWonderland
Summary: Jim and Bones are secretly in a relationship - it's a badly kept secret and a loud rumour, but necessary to avoid publicity.Jim is on an away mission, and gets badly hurt; Bones isn't sure if he can handle it any more - the danger, the secrecy...Will they figure it out, or will they break under the strain?





	Professional Distance

“ _’Oh, Bones, it’s the last mission before shore leave!’_ , he said. _‘I’ll be fine, it’s just a ritual reaffirmation of a Federation treaty.’_ , he said. Dammit, Jim! O’course you’d find a way t’be made sick by the goddamn drink they toast with!” Bones growled the words at Jim as he and Spock rushed him towards Med-bay.

“Doctor, I hardly think that the Captain will be able to hear you in his current state.” Spock easily pushed aside the door, and Leonard followed, rolling his eyes, unwillingly grateful for the help and distraction.

“Sure, well, maybe I’m doin’ this for my own peace o’mind!” He snapped, finally able to dock the stretcher in Medbay. In a far too often practised motion, they hefted Jim onto a biobed, where Bones instantly began hooking Jim up to various IVs. 

“In what way does quoting Jim’s earlier words provide you with peace of mind?” Spock asked, his cool tone obviously designed to aggravate him.

“It provides a channel for my frustration. Now git, ‘fore I make _you_ the channel for it!”  
  
Spock, wisely, departed, sending Christine in his place before heading up, presumably to the bridge. Bones was too busy scanning Jim, examining the blood profile and barking out ratios of drugs for Christine to gather. They worked together efficiently, easily, and soon the compiled antidote was rushing through Jim’s system. Bones slumped against the biobed in relief, his knees weak with it, and Christine threw him a sympathetic glance that earned her a tired glare.

“Doctor, perhaps you should get some rest. I know how much the Captain means to y-“  
  
“Dammit, Christine, I’m fine! Why does everyone insist on thinkin’ I’ll collapse every time Jim gets hurt? He’s a reckless idiot, an’ tha’s all there is to it, okay?” Bones conveniently ignored his current state of partial collapse, took a deep breath, and forced himself not to look back at Jim as he headed to his office.

Most of the crew bought into the rumours about the relationship between himself and Jim. Hell, most of the crew were right. But it had to stay as rumours, much as it killed him to have to play it normal every time Jim got hurt. They pushed enough rules already; Spock and Nyota got away with it because they were somewhat lower profile. But he and Jim? It would be plastered across all the news sites. And that – well, it was a step too far, a step too permanent and public, for Jim. Bones used to think it was a step too far for himself, too, especially given his divorce. But every new close call, had him closer and closer to wanting to throw caution to the winds, fuck it all, and be open about their relationship.

But this wasn’t exactly a good time to talk about it, what with Jim being half-dead. Hell, there was never a good time to talk about it. And so, he continued.

 

* * *

 

Jim’s mind gradually surfaced from the chaotic, dark imagery scattering through his vision. He blinked, wincing at the brightness of the lights. He tried to lick his lips, which were aching and felt chapped. His tongue felt like sandpaper in his mouth, scraping across his lips in a disconcertingly foreign texture. As soon as he swallowed, on reflex, nausea came rushing through his awareness, sweeping him up and making him barely capable of registering how his body curled in on itself. Even the feeling of air on his skin, the sheets and bed touching his body, felt like too much to handle, too much extra sensation on top of his roiling stomach and painful head.

Desperately, he tried to recall what had happened, figure out where he was. He remembered re-signing the treaty, and drinking the strange-tasting wine. Being caught by Spock as he fell – of course. The wine. Bones was going to be unbelievably mad at him for drinking it without scanning for issues.

At the thought of Bones, he suddenly felt a pressing need to see him. Going another second of this agony without the comfort of his presence was an excruciating concept. He needed Bones like he needed air; the warm, heavy pressure of his body against him, the soft texture of his uniform shirt, the way his hair tickled softly at his cheekbones whenever he nuzzled in to his shoulder. The scent of his tea-tree and mint body-wash, and the passing hints of lemon and antiseptic. The sensation of being held, cared for.

The wave of longing was fierce enough to draw tears to his eyes, stinging and painful and utterly desperate.

“Bones!” He rasped, his voice hardly recognisable even to himself.

Jim flinched a little at the sound of footsteps, but then a gentle, familiar hand was pushing his hair back, resting on his forehead and thumbing it soothingly like he was a feverish child, the other hand pressing lightly on his hip to roll him onto his back. Jim went with the movement without protest.

“Hey, Jim, s’alrigh’, ‘m’here, darlin’.” Bones’ voice was soothing, and Jim instinctively tried to move towards it, but he was held down by the hand on his forehead, the other moving from his hip to press lightly on his chest, over his heart.

“Bones!” He half-whined, half-mumbled, his arms scrabbling upwards until he was clutching at Bones’ forearm loosely. The feeling of Bones’ skin under his hands helped him to relax, though he still craved the intimate comfort of being wrapped in his boyfriend’s arms. “Hurts. Sorry.” He managed to bite out the words, struggling to communicate, but the struggle was soothed out of him with gentle words.

“I know, darlin’, ‘m’sorry it hurts. Ya got hit real good with that toxic drink, but you’re gonna be alrigh’. The detox is painful, but you’ll be ok, y’hear me, swee’heart?” Bones’ voice was urgent, layered with shards of emotion, but Jim wasn’t in a state to fully process it.

“Bones!” Jim repeated the name, gripping at his arm weakly. “Y’re here.” He slurred the words, scraping them out of his dry throat.

“Tha’s righ’, ‘m’here. Now, I’m jus’ gonna give ya a dose o’ sedative. You’ll be fine when ya wake up, ok?”  
  
“Okay.” Jim tried to nod, abruptly regretting that decision as the nausea spiralled forward again. Then the world began to fade, and he slipped back into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

“G’mornin’, sunshine!” Bones woke Jim from his now light sleep, with a voice so purposely cheerful that it was categorically some kind of ploy to irritate.

 “I feel like shit.” Jim blinked his eyes open, taking in their surroundings, and pushing himself into a sitting position. “What happened?”  
  
“Oh, nothin’ much. Y’jus’ went an’ drank another cup o’ poison is all.” Bones shrugged, uncharacteristically calm. 

“That’s it?”   
  
“Yeah. You’re done. Cleared. Y’can head to ya room, if ya like. Spock’s got a handle on this shift, an’ shore leave is in…6 hours.” Bones put down his tricorder with a loud clatter, making him wince. Tension was evident in every inch of his frame, and when Jim looked closely, he could see that Bones’ hands were shaking.

“Bones-“ He began, started to reach out, but Bones turned, stepping neatly away from his outstretched hand.

“No, I got a hell of a lot ta get on with, Jim. Get some rest ‘fore we dock, doctor’s orders. G’on! I’ll be workin’.” Bones’ expression was closed off, harsher than his peculiarly light words. He hovered for a moment, and his face flickered, twisting with fear and concern, before he tore himself away from Jim’s bedside. He walked briskly into his office, and did not look back.

 

* * *

 

Bones had his back to the door to his office. His head was resting against it, his hands in tight fists at his sides. His firm, calm expression crumbled as his body crumpled to the floor. His shaking hands burrowed into his own hair, as he rested his elbows on his knees, desperately trying to calm his increasingly erratic breathing. 

He froze as he heard footsteps approaching his door.

“Bones? I…I’m headed to my quarters.” Jim’s voice was unnervingly timid, which only made Bones feel worse for the entire situation, hating how his façade had hurt Jim. “I’d…when you’re done working, could you visit? I know you’re busy but I think we should talk about this. I know something’s wrong.” Jim paused, and Bones hated that he had managed to make Jim uncertain; the very concept of Jim being tentative and scared was anathema to him, and yet he had caused it by his selfish actions. “Please, just…talk to me. I know we decided to keep it quiet, but…I love you, Bones.”  
  
The footsteps receded, leaving Bones to his isolation, feeling even more of an asshole than he already did. Jim loved him, no matter the state of publicity of their relationship, and Jim had just been seriously injured, yet Bones was hiding, desperately trying to keep it together, because he couldn’t handle keeping himself cool and professional when his boyfriend was hurt.

Hell, Jim had been hurt. He’d almost died – again. Bones let out a strangled sob, the sound echoing in the otherwise quiet office. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop, pouring in rivulets down his cheeks and tickling at his chin, dripping to the floor and the fabric of his uniform trousers. He didn’t know how long he sat there, trembling and shaking apart, nothing but the cold air and the sterile floor to hold him steady.

Eventually, the tears, panic and horror gave way to a wild, urgent need. A need to hold, to claim, to confirm that his lover was alive, his heart still beating in his chest. Bones struggled upright, body stiff from holding the same, tense position for so long. He lunged for the door, uncaring as to his appearance, fumbling for the internal transporters in the main section of med-bay. He hated transporters, but this was pushed to the back of his mind, shoved away in the knowledge of the sheer necessity of seeing Jim. He entered his medical override frantically, and then he was dissolving into atoms, ready to be remade in Jim’s presence. An appropriate metaphor if there ever was one.

 

* * *

 

Jim was curled up on his bed, still wearing the clothes he’d had on in Med-bay. His boots were discarded on the floor, carelessly, and he was chewing his lip, waiting to see if Bones would come. He knew something was wrong – and it wasn’t a difficult leap to think that maybe, he had added the last straw to Bones’ back, with this wine incident. As the time went by, worry gnawed at him more and more. He knew he would apologise, for not scanning the wine, but his gut told him there was something more.

 Even when accompanied by others, when Bones was trying to appear unattached, he had never seemed so distant as when they had just talked. And that, on the heels of the scraps of feverish comfort he could recall from his illness, was beyond jarring. For a moment, he wondered if perhaps the secrecy was wearing on Bones, too. Then he heard the transporters activate, and he leapt up off the bed, ready to greet the unannounced arrival.

Bones tumbled from the transporter, looking around wildly.

“Jim!” Bones’ eyes focussed on him, and Jim caught a brief glimpse of his tear-streaked face, his voice hoarse with emotion, before Bones’ hands were on him, all but tackling him to the bed.

“Bones, what’s going on?” Jim started to move, but Bones pinned him down, pressing Jim’s body to the mattress with his weight and strength. Bones held Jim’s wrists down against the sheets, and he bent to take Jim’s mouth in a fierce, desperate kiss that tasted of salt and terror.

“Jim, Jim, Jim…” Bones murmured the name, unable to stop as he ran his hands down Jim’s chest, straddling him and pressing his hand over Jim’s heart, the other still gripping at his right wrist tightly.   
  
“Bones? Bones, please, what’s wrong? Tell me! Please,” Jim reached up his free hand to cup Bones’ jaw, his blue eyes looking into Bones’ green ones, searchingly. “You’re scaring me, here.”  
  
“Jim.” Bones repeated the name, insistently, blinking slowly. His head was bowed, his eyes moving to watch each hand and Jim’s face by turns. Jim could feel his heart thrumming under his ribs, fast as his concern.

“What do you need? Talk to me.” Jim said, softly. “God, Bones, I’m so sorry, I-“  
  
“Jim!” Bones’ fingers curled slightly on Jim’s chest, and he released a shaky breath. “Ain’t you who needs t’apologise, darlin’.” His voice was rough, jagged at the edges, and when Jim looked at him again, thumb stroking across Bones’ cheekbone, his thumb was damp with tears. “M’sorry, Jim, I jus’ – I couldn’t do it, not then, not when you’d almos’-“ the small sob Bones emitted was utterly wrecked. “You almos’ died, again, an’ I jus’ couldn’t do it, Jim, I couldn’t, I nearly lost it, lost you! An’ I tried, ta be professional an’ calm but I was so angry tha’ I couldn’t speak righ’, the words wouldn’t come, ‘cause I couldn’t say the ones tha’ meant somethin’ when it really mattered, when you were almost dyin’ an’ I couldn’t say a thing ‘cept what a friend would, fuckin’ dammit!” He gasped for breath, the tirade wrenched out of him. He supported himself on Jim’s chest, on his wrist, his head bowed and dripping tears onto the fabric of Jim’s shirt.

“God, Bones, I’m so sorry, too!” Jim’s voice broke, his boyfriend’s emotions spiralling into his own. “Please, tell me what I can do, tell me how I can help, I-“  
  
“I jus’ need ta feel tha’ you’re alive.” Bones said, desperately, fingers pressing to Jim’s wrist, hand trembling over Jim’s heart.

“Oh.” Jim breathed, understanding the tight grip and heavy weight on him. “My pulse.”

“Yeah.” Bones huffed out the confirmation as he exhaled, shakily.

“Come on, let’s make this more comfortable. You’re shaking life a leaf, Bones. Don’t think I don’t know you probably haven’t eaten properly. As soon as shore leave hits, I’m taking you to a restaurant and buying you a meal.” Jim shifted as he spoke, carefully tilting their bodies until they lay on their sides, face to face. He wrapped his free arm around Bones’ waist loosely, intertwined their legs so they rested, interlocked.

“Sounds good, darlin’.” Bones murmured, his eyes never once leaving Jim’s face, as if he was afraid he would vanish if he looked away. Then he frowned. “Won’t that – wouldn’t that seem kinda like a date?”  
  
“I don’t care, if you don’t.” Jim whispered, without hesitation. “I love you, Bones. Early on, I was scared, that I’d ruin us – that the press would. But now…I don’t care. Just thinking about what you go through, every time I get hurt…if you were hurt and I couldn’t tell you I loved you, I don’t know what I would do.” Jim paused to lick his lips, feeling a stab of painful guilt at Bones’ growing expression of wonder and hope. “I’m happy to go public, if you are. I’d…I think I’d like to.”  
  
“Love you too, darlin’. It’s a date.” Bones smiled, the expression feeling foreign on his features after so much grief.

“Three hours to go. Nap, then food?”  
  
“Ya sure know the way to a man’s heart, Jim-boy.”  


* * *

 

Bones gripped onto Jim’s hand a little too tightly as they exited the restaurant, walking to the coffee shop where the majority of the crew had set up shop. He couldn’t help but feel all the eyes turning to them, noting their linked hands. He felt a brief squeeze, and looked up. Jim gently nudged his shoulder with his own, smiling at him affectionately, encouragingly.   
  
“You ok?” Jim asked, as they approached the door to the café.  
  
“Yeah.” Bones nodded, letting himself be led inside. He spotted Spock immediately, Nyota next to him and waving at them. Spock and Nyota had claimed a small sofa, while Pavel had stolen a slightly collapsed-looking armchair, and Hikaru was sat on the edge of a larger sofa, talking animatedly to Chapel, who was sipping tea serenely from her stool.

They sat down on the sofa, Jim next to Hikaru, and Bones grateful he got to sit by the arm of the sofa. He wedged himself into the corner, his right hand still clinging to Jim’s left. After a moment of hesitation, he brought his other arm across his chest, loosely clutching at Jim’s bicep. He dragged his gaze up, glaring around the small circle of people, as if daring anyone to comment.  
  
“Are you alright, Leonard?” Nyota asked, tilting her head to one side. “You seem…prickly.”  
  
“Ain’t I usually?” He snapped back, hand holding onto Jim’s tighter. “There’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a bit grumpy.” He added, somewhat belligerently.

“You are customarily grumpy, Doctor. That does not mean that such emotionality does not have its downsides.” Spock countered, a faint smile wreathing his features.

“Why, you damn –“  
  
“Leonard, I think I should warn you, the café has a strict no-swearing policy.” Christine chimed in, grinning widely.  
  
“Doesn’t he look a bit like a – vhat is zat little creature, with the spines?” Pavel turned to Hikaru for help.  
  
“Porcupine? Hedgehog?” Hikaru guessed, laughing at Pavel’s animated, eager expression.  
  
“Da! Hedgehog, zat is it! Keptin, don’t you think Doctor McCoy is looking a bit like a hedgehog?”

 “Jim, tell ‘em they’re spoutin’ rubbish!” Bones raised his eyebrow at Pavel, turning to look at Jim, demandingly.

“I don’t know, Bones, they do have a point. You’re all curled up and – and spiky.” Jim grinned, running his thumb over Bones’ knuckles affectionately.

“Ugh, damn you, Jim. Some boyfriend you are!” He tensed for a moment as he realised what he had said, eyes darting to look at the crew. None of them so much as batted an eye. In fact, Nyota was looking remarkably smug.

“Guess I’ll just have to find a way to make it up to you.” Jim murmured, leaning in, eyes dancing with amusement and happiness. Bones’ eyes fluttered shut as their lips touched, sparking with pleasure and easy contentment, the warmth of Jim’s tongue licking into his mouth, their shared breath, intoxicating him with a giddy feeling of freedom. He almost whined as Jim pulled away, knowing his expression was somewhat dazed and utterly unable to care. Jim grinned at him, leaning back in to kiss him again, chastely, Bones’ lips and body pliant against him. 

“Tha’s the best ya can do for an apology?” Bones tried to sound taunting, but was certain he ended up sounding breathless.

“I feel a sudden, pressing need to check if we left the heater on in our hotel room.” Jim said, partly to Bones and partly to the amused-looking crew around them. “Don’t you think we should go check on that, Bones?”  
  
“Sure, Jim.” Bones let himself be pulled up as Jim stood, waving their goodbyes, affirming that they would all see each other the following evening for drinks.

They headed to the door of the café, and there, Jim paused, looking at Bones, seriously.

“You okay with this? Going to our hotel room together, I mean.” Jim asked, gently, earnestly, hoping to make absolutely certain that Bones wasn’t uncomfortable. The concern and care made Bones feel like he was melting, falling into love even more deeply and irrevocably than before. He closed the small distance between them, pressing his lips softly to Jim’s, his body tilting towards his warmth, pulling away just slightly to murmur against his boyfriend’s lips.

“Where you go, I follow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this mostly in like, two nights, I hope it's enjoyable! I just...really needed to project some angst about missing someone/wanting to be out around colleagues, and also I've been sick. So Jim got poisoned so I could whine via him XD
> 
> I hope the summary wasn't too bad, I'm never sure how to make them catchy!
> 
> As ever, comments and kudos feed my dark soul and earn my eternal gratitude!!! <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
